I’m a senior, so excuse me if I’m a bit verklempt

With less than two weeks left of the school year, I’m starting to get nostalgic. It was inevitable. I’m a senior, and graduation is just a couple of research papers away. I see the accepted students in the Spa and it takes me back to when I was just starting out. For about a week straight, I’ve had a Proustian moment every day.

I don’t know what I’ll miss most about Colby. Maybe the English Department, where I’ve worked for several years. Maybe my beautiful friends. I’ve taken to wailing, “What am I gonna do without you?” whenever I’m around them. I should probably stop.

I have so many intense memories from Colby it’s hard to know how to prioritize them all. The last 48 hours before handing in my thesis. The subsequent 12 hours in which I slept and slept and slept. Hobbling home from Fall Ball in heels. Eating ice cream by Johnson Pond. Attempting every hobby, badly, at least once: fencing, acting, lumberjacking.

There have been lots of learning moments, too, like when I lost my little purple pouch that contained my debit card, my Colby card, my room key, and a $20 bill. I was putting a plate away in Dana when a boy said hi to me and I flailed. It was a good metaphor for losing more than just your dignity.

To that end, I’ve discovered, somewhat, the delicate line between awkwardness and quirkiness. It has to do with confidence, maybe. Perhaps a haircut. Come to think of it, I’m not sure how successful I’ve been in this front, but my friend described me as “endearingly awkward” and I’ll take it.

I’ll be moving to Chicago this summer—no more classes, no more dining halls, no more Spa nachos. Hopefully, though, another roommate—and definitely new adventures. The prospect of a new stage in my life makes me nervous, excited, and cautiously optimistic. I’ve watched my older siblings make the same transition, but I didn’t realize how much uncertainty the process entailed. I wonder how long it took them to settle in, to feel comfortable in adulthood rather than slipping it on like an oversized jacket. They say that they still have nightmares about forgetting to turn in assignments. So at least I’ll have that to look forward to.

I wrote an opinion piece years ago where I said that college felt like sitting at a stop light, waiting for life to start. I don’t think that way anymore. Four years of life have raced by, and I wonder how it went so fast.

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