The Guth Truth: Top five ways to spend COVID-19 quarantine

Well, it seems to be the end of the world as we know it. The world is quickly crumbling under the pressure of Corona, and not the fun kind that urges you to find your beach, but the infamous virus that causes breathing problems. All I know is that whenever I play a round of Plague Inc. on my phone, I always choose China as a country to start in, and I always manage to wipe out the human race, so I guess things don’t bode too well. However, no matter what, I promise that I will keep the Guth Truth™ coming. With the reported two weeks of quarantine being required for those deemed by the College to have a chance of carrying the virus, I have decided to provide the top five ways to spend those two weeks, wherever you are.

#5. Bobcat hunting

This is something I’ve always wanted to do but never found the time or resources for. Bobcat hunting is a great Maine pastime and a great way to assert dominance over our Lewiston rivals.  According to Laney’s Guide Service, while it is the most challenging hunt in Maine, it is also one of the most rewarding and entertaining. The hunt includes guide dogs and snowmobiles, and seems to be a great way to experience the Maine outdoors. The only drawback is the price tag of $2,500 per hunter, as it seems that most students have lost a large portion of their investment portfolio in the past two weeks and can no longer afford such an experience.

#4. Travel

While our parents’ and grandparents’ generations may be in a panic over this global pandemic, most statistics suggest that our age group is not at high risk for any serious complications. So why not get out there and take advantage of some great deals on airline tickets and see the world? I heard Fiji is nice this time of year, and it seems like now is the time to realize our dreams of world travel.

#3. Watch every Colby football win from the past few years MANY times

The amount of times you could get through every Mules football triumph in two weeks is probably a lot, but what better way to spend your time separated from campus by reliving our favorite team’s successes and glory? How does watching a nailbiter against the also–winless Bates team that took place on a rainy fall day sound? We know that you won’t know what the outcome is going into watching the games, because you probably weren’t at the games when they actually happened. Roll Mules!

#2. Gamble on March Madness

Honestly, the timing of this virus isn’t terrible, but what would be terrible is if March Madness gets cancelled. Imagine posting up in a Waterville hotel or at home and just watching the greatest tournament created, placing some wagers on some great matchups. With how chaotic NCAA basketball has been this year, there’s sure to be some great money to be made with some killer upsets. While you’re at it, you may be able to make up your losses from the stock market! But then again, you’ll probably just lose more money.

#1. Tour other colleges

Why let other colleges miss out on the fun? Who knows how long you might be separated from Colby, so considering a transfer is not the worst idea on the planet. We have to do whatever it takes to keep Colby’s reputation up, or bring other schools’ reputations down. It wouldn’t be fair if we were the only ones quarantining and potentially cancelling physical classes, but then again, it seems that we certainly won’t be.