An ode to Maine’s top ten IPAs

Well, this year is pretty much over. I hope people tolerated my columns of waxing ever so poetically about fermented sugar water. My rantings and ravings were loved by some, hated by other, and barely read by many. I felt it was necessary to give the faithful guys and gals who appreciate or mock me with a list. This is an ode to Buzzfeed and the lovely website our commencement speaker so thoughtfully crafted through  a severe and menacing journalistic integrity. Anyway, this is my list of the ten best IPA’s in Maine. The rules were simple: Be an IPA, don’t be over 8%, and taste good. So, here it is. Feel free to tell me that I’m wrong because I probably am.

10. Tectonic Tomahawk (Gneiss Brewing Company)

This white IPA is a blend of citrus with an additional sweetness from being brewed with wheat. A perfect beer for when your bros show up with some Bud Light and you want to try to look way cooler than them.

9. Ace Hole (Marshall Wharf Brewing Comapny)

Ace Hole is more of an American pale ale (meh, who cares) with a ton of sorachi ace hops added (Ace Hole, get it??LOL BROS BEER IS DOPE). Ace Hole is best enjoyed in Belfast, ME before the tourists get there and ruin any sense of serenity.

8. Frye’s Leap IPA (Sebago Brewing Company)

Frye’s Leap is the cheapest of these beers but is by no means any worse. I love this beer because of how simple and in your face it is. Sure, you can buy this at the supermarket, but this has everything all these other IPAs do at a fraction of the price. Typical orange and pine flavors with a subtle malt backbone. Buy this for your dad when you ask him if he can help you with finding a job.

7. Another One (Maine Beer Company)

This is what people will tell you to get instead of Lunch because it kind of tastes the same and it’s one dollar cheaper. Don’t do that. It’s got that typical citrus/pine background but starts to edge on IPA glory with a sticky mango flavor.

6. Lunch (Maine Beer Company)

This is going to get me a ton of crap from my friends who went down to Portland one time who had lunch at Eventide and drank Lunch (WOAH). These people are locals and know much more than me. I must say, though, this is where we start to get to the tough ones. Lunch has a classic hop forward New England IPA taste with a next-level tropical fruit flavor that the out-of-staters will pay twelve dollars for.

5. Afterglow (Foundation Brewing)

This is like fruit juice that kind of went bad. It’s amazing. You all should drink it by the gallon but probably not operate a motor vehicle or get out of bed for several days if you do.

4. Maine Island Trail Ale (Rising Tide Brewing Company)

This is amazing. It has a lower alcohol percentage than everything currently listed but, holy crap guys and gals, there is pine for days. It tastes like a Christmas tree and it’s only brewed in the summer so get it while you can. A percentage of the profits of the beer goes to helping fund trails in Maine too so you can get your activism on as well.

3. Beast Coast (Bunker Brewing)

This is probably the best kept secret of the Maine IPA scene probably (good thing people don’t really read this long into my stuff!). It has never been in cans before but get ready for when it does. It’s mainly brewed with chinook hops so it is a little more bitter but the dankness and overall feel of the beer makes it one of my favorites.

2. Patina (Austin Street)

It’s like orange juice that was poured into a pina colada. It is amazing.

1. Substance (Bissell Brothers)

UGH. BISSELL is the COOOLEST. Just drink it. It’s amazing. They are now brewing enough of it where everyone can get their hands on some too, so go nuts. Get a keg. I really wish I could describe the smell, but you’ll have to get out there and find some. It will bring a tear to your eye.