Musings of a young fangirl, an Oscars live blog

Please read this while listening to the song “Roar” by Katy Perry.

7:04 p.m. Ahh, the Red Carpet segment. Where ABC officials poke into the vibrant, intelligent minds of male filmmakers and actors, question them about their art forms and their visions for the future, then turn to their female co-stars and ask about who made their gowns. This year promises to be a bit different, though, as many celebrities have sparked a new “#askhermore” movement, demanding that interviewers avoid sexist questions and go more in depth when talking with actresses and female filmmakers.

7:34 p.m. Dakota Johnson steals the “most awkward human” award by bringing her mom to an awards show in which she’s being honored for a practically pornographic role. ABC had no problem asking the mom if she’s seen Fifty Shades yet, which managed to turn into the most uncomfortable family feud for everyone involved (“It’s just a film….She can see it if she wants,” Johnson mumbled angrily.) Perhaps the interviewer #askedheralittletoomuch

7:56 pm ABC correspondent calls that the Best Picture award will be given to either Birdman or Boyhood. This is the point in the blog where I tell you that I’ve seen every BP nom (other than American Sniper, because I don’t really support what they’re going for there) and I am so incredibly conflicted about which film I loved most. Theory of Everything was a beautiful story with some poor cinematography; Birdman was incredible cinematography with a story that was less enticing; Boyhood broke grounds in redefining filmmaking and still stuck to an incredible tale with some great acting; Whiplash was an aesthetic feat and a totally unique representation of mentorship; I can’t even fit my love for Grand Budapest into one sentence; and Imitation Game and Selma were just perfect on all levels. No matter which way the vote goes, I’ll be sad that an incredible film wasn’t able to nab the greatest award in the biz.

Somewhere around 8 p.m. Both Kerry Washington and Lupita Nyong’o have appeared on ABC’s broadcast and been asked about their dresses. Two women of color who have made great strides in this industry were asked things like “are you worried about sitting down in that dress?”

8:31 p.m. White male Neil Patrick Harris makes a semi-apologetic joke about how white the show is, followed by a fabulous musical number that celebrates the history of cinema in a truly beautiful way. I love this art, you guys.

8:33 p.m. MARRY ME ANNA KENDRICK

8:41 p.m. Best Supporting Actor: please be JK Simmons please be JK Simmons please be…. YEEEEESSSS he totally deserved that. What a fantastic performance. Whiplash would not have been nearly as powerful without him… and with that, we have our first tear-jerking acceptance speech of the night: “If you’re lucky enough to have a parent, call them. Tell them you love them.”

8:59 p.m. Grand Budapest wins best cinematography. Thanking Wes Anderson, the costume designer said “Thank you for Life Aquatic, thank you for Darjeeling…” to which us fans responded “thank you for acknowledging Wes’s other (better) films!!!”

9:12 p.m. Polish film gets the nods it deserves in “Best Foreign Picture” and Polish drinking habits get the nods they deserve by the filmmaker himself, who continues to talk so long that the “go away” music plays, then stops, then the Academy lowers the microphone.

9:17 p.m. Tegan and Sara and The Lonely Island reenact the main number from The Lego Movie and it’s the first beautiful hot mess of the night.

In-between: There are quite a few categories that seem to fall under the radar, but what I love about awards shows is the fact that they celebrate all efforts that go into filmmaking. There’s no such thing as the “auteur” film in Hollywood: no movie is a one-person effort The Oscars give a space to celebrate all of the people behind these films, and make regular movie-goers understand that aspects like sound editing and screenplay adaptation are so crucial to the final product.

9:43 p.m. NPH strips down to his underwear in reference to a Birdman scene, and nobody was complaining.

9:54 p.m. Patricia Arquette wins Best Supporting Actress for her role in Boyhood (again, so very deserved– especially when you realize how much of her life she’s devoted to the film.) In her speech, she gives a nod to wage equality and to women everywhere, and we cut to Meryl Streep, cheering alongside J-Lo and it was kind of a really really big deal.

10:17 p.m. The President of the Academy comes out and everybody is like “whaaaaaaaattttt” a woman of color in a leading role in the Academy? Cool! But how did Selma get snubbed so much? She talks about “giving voice to challenging ideas and different points of view” and we silently hope that her positive view of this industry will someday be a reality.

10:25 p.m. Birdman wins Best Cinematography. With its unprecedentedly long tracking shots and incredibly unique treatment of space, I’m glad that it got this award.

10:31 p.m. Meryl takes the stage and we’re all happy until we realize it’s time for the memorial segment. The “In Memoriam” this year is one of the hardest yet, featuring stars like Robin Williams, whose death is still so shocking I found myself looking for him in the crowd at the Dolby, not on the screen in this segment.

11:05 p.m. NPH makes a joke about John Travolta and Idina Menzel makes a joke about John Travolta then John Travolta makes a creepy joke about himself, and it’s a little bit of an awkward mess.

11:07 p.m. John Legend and Common win Best Original Song for “Glory” and deliver an empowering, moving speech highlighting that “Selma is now.” So many winners tonight have used this platform as a means by which to send important messages, as they absolutely should. The Academy in and of itself is a political entity, and underrepresented groups are finally getting a voice in this industry.

11:20 p.m. Gaga does a really great job singing Sound of Music songs but, like… why?

11:21 p.m. Julie Andrews comes on stage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

11:31 p.m. I am so tired.

11:32 p.m. If someone composed a video of every acceptance speech tonight and made me watch it, I would weep for hours. Graham Moore wins Best Adapted Screenplay for Imitation Game, and honors Turing by addressing the issue of suicide and telling his audience to keep holding on.

11:42 p.m. Birdman’s Alejandro Inarritu wins Best Director and I’m beginning to fear that the film will sweep these big categories. My fear is two-fold: first of all, I want other films to win, but also, I really don’t want to keep hearing the irksome drum beat that was already so overused in the film.

11:52 p.m. Eddie Redmayne wins Best Actor for The Theory of Everything and continues the new tradition of making everyone cry during a speech by giving his award to the people battling ALS and the Hawking family. Every human swoons.

11:56 p.m. Julianne Moore wins for Still Alice and how can you not love that woman. I wanted Rosamund Pike for Gone Girl (because it deserved at least something tonight!) but then J-Moore goes onto get another Oscar nomination for Best Acceptance Speech (a tough category tonight) and acknowledges the need for better Alzheimer’s research and the fact that “there is no Best Actress” because powerful, world-changing women like herself don’t feel the need to compete with other powerful, world-changing women.

12:03 a.m. NPH does a fun magic trick that isn’t the announcement for the Best Picture award, damnit.

12:05 a.m. I don’t even know what I’m rooting for!!! The Oscar goes to… (elongated, stressful pause)… Birdman. Cue music and subtle annoyance, and cue everyone else in the audience’s relief that it’s finally either party or BEDTIME!!

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