Opinion

Eat your heart out, Guantanamo: On getting waterboarded

PETE: So are we continuing this Watervillain attack scenario? SAM: I think it’s pretty played out. We need something new. STEVE: Yeah. PETE: What about if, like, they won in that scenario and some Watervillains came and got to us, like the Colby leadership, and had to get information out of us. SAM: I dunno man. PETE: What if they […]

by Pete Cronkite· · 0 comments · Opinion

Dorm damage: Colby’s latest form of classism

Currently, my student account tells me that I owe $155.50 for dorm damage even though I have never commited any damage to Colby property. But last year, I lived in Heights. Of all Colby’s dorms, Heights is invariably regarded as the quintessential “party-and-get-trashed” dorm.  This reputation definitely fosters a dangerous culture of exorbitant drinking; but in terms of dorm-damage, its […]

by Brian Martinez· · 0 comments · Opinion

A short pause for Thanksgiving

Oh November, thank you for coming (and for bringing a fantastic storm with you to remind us of what to expect in the near future)! November is the month at Colby when things get really stressful, and I have definitely been feeling the stressful vibes as of late. I know exams are coming. I know I have two massive papers […]

by Grace C. Baldwin· · 0 comments · Opinion

Bursting Colby’s stupid social bubble

Halloween may feel like ages ago, but it was only a couple weekends ago that students dressed up in costumes and headed out for a night of fun. Each student’s evening consisted of different plans—now I’m probably sounding boring, maybe a bit too obvious since you might be thinking, “of course each student has their own plans, we’re all different […]

by Elise Ozarowski· · 0 comments · Opinion

Attack of the Watervillians (Part 2): Colby prepares for the invasion

After a week-long hiatus, the hypothetical saga of Waterville’s siege against Colby continues. This week, the irreverent philosphers are joined by Steve Buxbaum ‘15 and Griffin Allen ‘16. SAM: Ok, so who would have political control in this scenario? Not SGA. PETE: Definitely not. SAM: We would have to have, like, special elections. PETE: Some professors would try to seize […]

by Pete Cronkite· · 0 comments · Opinion

Cake: a truly sorry excuse for pie

Everyone has that one day of the week when they’re being buried in stress, down on themselves and looking for light in a cruel world. We all cope with it in different ways. Some  read, some watch movies, some hang out with friends and some even exercise. I eat pie. I call a day like this “Pie Day,” though in […]

by Wes Zebrowski· · 0 comments · Opinion

Story Time: a Colby tradition becomes propaganda

After a difficult freshman year, I was on my way back to Colby in August.  I was excited to be a COOT leader and share my love for the outdoors, but I was not so convinced I could make any freshman love Colby. Between my frustration and anxiety, I couldn’t think of a single thing I could call my favorite […]

by Cassandra Biette· · 0 comments · Opinion

Izzy Zaidi: An American-born, confused Desi

“Where are you from?” “Maine.” “No, I meant to ask, where were you born?” “Buffalo, New York.” “No, I mean, where are your parents from?” “Pakistan.” And now you know the secret of my brownness. This kind of conversation has become the bane of my existence. Around the time I was two, my family moved to Pakistan. I lived there […]

by Izzy Zaidi· · 0 comments · Opinion

Stickin’ it to the wrong man

The other day, I watched a documentary made by a Colby student in which he and his friends spray-painted various buildings and then recorded security’s response. The campus guards explained how idiotic it was to illegally vandalize so many public walls, but the student filmmaker simply mocked this lecture and, after the film, explained that he was trying to send […]

by Megan Lasher· · 0 comments · Opinion

When calamity becomes comedy

From time to time over the past few years, my roommates and friends have engaged in an activity shared by college students across the country: getting drunk while playing Cards Against Humanity. For those of you who don’t know, it can be summarized as Apples to Apples with a twist: instead of matching cards like “Puppies” with “Cute,” players must […]

by Jake Bleich· · 0 comments · Opinion