Banana cream pie on public trial

The Echo recently granted me the opportunity to try Bobs’ famous banana cream pie. However, my last review was labeled “too extreme” and “that guy legit wants to have sex with a pie,” so the Echo has barred me from expressing my opinions on the hot, sensual pie – I mean pie. I am therefore forced to ask other Colby College students for their opinions.

I start with my distracting workmates Julia Grimmet and Angelina J .K. Peterson, who have an uncanny ability to produce a constant stream of noise for the exact amount of time it takes to write this article. Julia proclaims, “Even though I’ve never tried it, I know it’s gross because it doesn’t have chocolate in it. Also it looks like melted plastic.” Blatantly offended by Julia’s statement, Angelina responds, “Even though it does not have chocolate in it, I have tried it and it is not gross. Furthermore, it does not look like melted plastic.” Julia shakes her head in disappointment.

Underwhelmed by these results, I roam the library in search of other pie enthusiasts. Spotting me from across the room, Sierra Fuller races over to share her opinion. Molly Entwistle follows reluctantly. “I don’t like the idea of it,” Sierra exclaims, “I think the texture would be too heavy. If it were strawberries and cream, I’d be fine with it, but I don’t even know what banana cream is.” Molly chimes in, “I don’t like the combination of banana and cream.” Ok, fine. Everyone has the right to his or her opinion, but I am baffled by the overwhelming lack of excitement about this pie.

At least Angelina liked it, but she failed to comment on its tempting aroma, its snowwhite cream just barely concealing its succulent mounds of banana filling. No. This is the old you. Keep it in. Keep. It. In. Just focus on the task at hand.

Perhaps Judy Zhu will get it right? “It sounds very interesting.” Nope. Keep trying. Ryan Sellar: “It was alright.” Captain Galaxy: “It was out of this world!” Jacob Hyatt: “I thoroughly enjoyed this pie.” Well glad you enjoyed it, Jakey boy, but “this pie” is far beyond enjoyable. “THIS PIE” IS A GODDESS. “THIS PIE” TOOK AN AIMLESS BOY AND TRANSFORMED HIM INTO A STRONG AND RESPONSIBLE MAN.

As my shouts permeate through the second floor of Miller, local woodsman Wes Zebrowski approaches to soothe my rage. “I don’t suppose you like banana cream pie,” I inquire dejectedly. “Are you kidding me?” he responds, “Banana cream pie is the sexiest dessert I’ve ever been with.” Finally, someone gets it.